At the same time, nothing we experienced was out of our realm of ability.  There was always a way (in China especially) to get things done, and somehow, we got things done.   Language is certainly an obstacle, because I can’t read any of the mail we get, nor can I read a contract for my iPhone.  Shrug – I just cross my fingers and hope for the best, because I have no idea what get ourselves into sometimes.

When the water pipe in our laundry room burst and water was spewing out like a horizontal fire hydrant, of course I freaked out big time.   I did not even know how to turn off the water valve, and Wage wasn’t home.   Where is Roto Rooter when you need him?  After making 2 desperate calls, using my broken Mandarin, we somehow got a plumber to come to our home at night, within an hour of the pipe burst.   Not only did he stop the water, patch up the pipe, he came back the next day and completely replaced the old water pipe.  How much did this emergency plumbing cost us?  $20USD.

January 2011 to January 2012 was an event-filled year.  It went by quickly.

On the other hand, this past year has removed us from all that has been familiar to us for years.   Family, Metro, friends, shopping at Trader Joe’s, driving my own car, going into NYC for coffee.  The departure from these familiar things has make the year a slow one.  Never have I felt so many simultaneous voids in my life.  Sure, I can try to fill up those voids, but I’m not in a big rush to do so.

Before we moved out here, my parents asked me, “what is plan B, if things end up not working out?”    At that time, it didn’t make sense to me to have a plan B, because that meant that I needed a way out.   Right now, neither Wage or I know what will happen in the next 2 years or beyond.   Maybe we’ll stay in SH longer.   Maybe we’ll move back to the States.  Or another country.

Our year was an exciting one, though not because we live in Shanghai.  It was an eventful year of living through major change and not regretting it.

For the 1st two months of living in Shanghai, I resisted looking for an ayi.   Wage urged me to find and hire one, but I dragged my feet.  Frankly, I was a bit intimidated by the whole process, which was unknown to me.   How do I even inquire about one?  What if she’s terrible?  What if I can’t communicate with her?   Finally, after reading more forums and asking a few colleagues, I delved into a whole new world.

Here are my TWO experiences with ayis so far…

Zhu Ayi 

I was told that word-of-mouth recommendation was a good way to find an ayi.   Through another ayi in our school, I was referred to Zhu Ayi, who was actually one of our lunch-ladies.   We agreed that she would come to our home 3 days a week, for 3 hours at a time.   Sweeping, mopping, dusting, bathrooms, cooking dinner and cleaning the kitchen.   These were her main responsibilities.  Groceries were purchase by me.

Since she was our first ayi, I found myself hyper-alert about what was cleaned.   I did my best to “train” her, by pointing out things I wanted to have done.   Whenever I came home, I would check her work by looking at what was cleaned or not.  Often times, I felt uncomfortable about pointing things out, because I didn’t want to question her work either.   “Ayi, when you have a chance, can you dust this area?  Ayi, please make sure to move the air purifier over when you mop.  Ayi, can you…?”   It was frustrating to feel both guilty and dissatisfied at the same time!

Cooking – her cooking was bland most of the time, but I was satisfied with it.    Wage – he never liked her cooking.  AT ALL.  I was just happy to have a meal on the table, so I did not mind that her cooking wasn’t that good.  Food was food, and it’s there to keep us living, right?

Small things that made us wonder, is this how having an ayi is?   A few times, Zhu Ayi did not show up to work, but failed to let me know ahead of time.   More than a few times, she would “finish” her work before the 3 hours, and would just leave.   She could have found more housework to do, but tended to do the minimum for us.   The things I asked her to do, she did once or twice, but did not do it again later.  It was as if she’d only do things if I explicitly asked her to, which I found to be tiring.

Obviously, these things are not the end of the world, and she certainly never stole from us, or did anything unreasonable.   She was likeable, and I know she liked us just fine.  Still, I often questioned if I even needed her around, because having her was not always better than doing the work myself.

FINALLY, I decided it was time to try another ayi.  Though I felt a little guilty about it, my friend assured me that it’s okay to try someone else.   It’s normal.

Li Ayi

Once again, by referral, we crossed paths with another ayi.   I was referred to Li ayi last Thursday, by a grocery lady at the wet market.  THIS TIME, I was better equipped with knowledge & experience, so was able to actually “interview” her.   She & I chatted for about 20 minutes, asking each other questions to clarify what she could do, what we needed, what her conditions were, etc.   I asked her if we could try out a week with her, to which she said, “How about this, I’ll cook dinner for you on Saturday and Sunday, then you can see what you think?”

Perfect!  From the moment we started to talk, I knew this ayi was a pro, just by the way she countered my request with the offer to cook.   And cooking is important for us, so it was as good a test as any.

Fast-forward to today.  We officially hired her as of Sunday night, and it’s like night-and-day compared to our old ayi.   NIGHT AND DAY.   Here are just some of the things she’s done that make us love her already.

* She made Dean’s bed yesterday, and asked me, “Do you want me to fold the blankets up or spread them out on the bed?”

* She folded our dry laundry and put everything into our closets.

* Every night, when she finishes in the kitchen, she will scrub and wipe dry our kitchen sink.

* When she wipes the kitchen floor after cooking dinner, she will wipe from the far side of the floor, out to the door – so her feet won’t step all over where she wiped.

* She dusts EVERYTHING, even behind the Playstation machine.

* When I was home this afternoon, she told me to rest, because I looked tired.   In truth, I feel weird just “relaxing” when I see her doing housework.  Makes me feel bad!

* She asked me tons of questions about where we keep things, what she should use to clean things, how to use the laundry machine, and so on.

* She actually dusts/wipes the light switches on the wall.

* She talks to me a lot about food, and how we have to eat healthy and feed Dean lots of meat, because he’s growing.

I could go on and on about her, even from just having her for 4 days.  It is in the small things that you can tell about a person, ayi or anyone.  OH, did I mention she is a good cook?

The feeling I get from Li Ayi is, she sees it as her responsibility to not just clean/cook for us, but to care for us.  She loves Dean, and I can tell she wants to cook good food just to see him grow.  So far, I’ve not needed to ask her to do anything, because she is way ahead of me already.  If anything, I’m trying to keep up with her!  I honestly think she WANTS to be our ayi.

Conclusion

From what I have read, heard and seen so far, it seems like hiring an ayi is a gamble.   It’s hit or miss, even if you’re experienced in this world of hired help.  I’ve learned a great deal from our first experience, and I’m certain to learn more from our new ayi.   Supposedly, a good ayi becomes a part of the family, and I have a good feeling that Li Ayi is now part of our family.  =)

p.s.   In case you are wondering, here is what we’re paying.   Keep in mind that ayis get paid anywhere between 10-25rmb/hour, depending on who and what they are doing, if you hire yourself, or if you go through an agency, if they speak English or not.

We paid our previous ayi 50rmb a day, for 3 hrs.   That’s about 17rmb/hour, which is  $2.63/hour.  We had her for 9 hours a week, which is 150rmb/week, or $23.25/week.

For our new ayi, I’ve upped the hours to 4 hours/day, Mon-Fri.   When I said I only wanted 3 hours a day, Li ayi told me that 3 hours is very rushed if she is to clean thoroughly and cook dinner.  So, I agreed to 4 hours a day.   We’re going to pay her the 17rmb/hour, so it’ll end up costing us 340rmb/week = $53/week.   About $228/month.

Is it worth it?  Will this make us spoiled?  Possibly.  My friend made a good statement about this whole arrangement.   She said, “If it’s a good relationship, all parties are happy.  The ayi is making good money with your family, so she can care for her own family.  And you are being well-cared for!  It’s a win-win.”

100 rmb    fake pair of designer men’s jeans

100 rmb   tailored dress shirt

350rmb   tailored jacket or trench coat, women’s

250-450+ rmb   tailored dress – depends on material & detailedness

25 rmb   fake Crocs

95 rmb  cheap summer dress

285 rmb   Smartwool (real) socks sold in an outdoor store

300 rmb   nice men’s shorts

50 rmb   cheap men’s shorts

40rmb   all-silk scarf for ladies

300-400rmb for custom made leather flats for ladies  (i’ve only been to one store, so that’s my only reference)

ANYTHING that is imported is going to cost more, no question about it.  I bought Smartwool socks when I was back in NJ this time, and they were not on-sale.   Paid between $15-18 for  a pair, so it’s already expensive as it is.  Here in Shanghai, a pair of Smartwool socks will cost 285rmb, which is roughly FORTY US DOLLARS.   40!    Disgusting!

I’m going to list items and their prices in RMB.  Some of the prices are not exact, and keep in mind that the current exchange rate from RMB to USD is about 6.45, so take the prices that I give and divide it by that number.   Here we go!

FOOD items

100rmb per person, for a hot-pot dinner

2-5 rmb   street breakfast (rice rolls, xiao long bao, steamed buns, fried things, and others)

3 rmb   seasoned lamb meat skewer – makes a good snack after 9pm

10 rmb    bowl of beef noodle soup in a small, VERY local, dirty, muslim-style restaurant

18-30 rmb   per bowl of noodle soup in at Taiwanese noodle place

5-9 rmb   bubble tea, depending on where you get it

100-150rmb    Sichuan or Taiwanese meal for 4, in a local place

8 rmb    small watermelon

15 rmb   4 juicy mangoes

60-70rmb   container of instant coffee (nescafe or maxwell house)

2-4rmb  candy bars

1rmb   ice pop

600-800rmb   SUPER NICE dim sum, lunch for 4 people, in a SUPER elegant restaurant

13rmb   small stick of salted butter

20rmb   15 ounce can of organic crushed tomato

16 rmb   1 pound of dried pasta

1rmb   7-up in a bottle

35-135rmb   fresh-killed chicken, depending on how it’s raised, if it’s old or young and if it’s organic

2.50rmb   small Snickers bar

10rmb   KFC’s snow-topped iced coffee

200rmb   Afternoon Tea at the Park Hyatt Hotel, per person

the cast of players: big, fat juicy mango, honey & fresh plain yogurt

peel & slice mango chunks, making sure to lick fingers afterwards

pour fresh yogurt on top of mango chunks; begin salivating now

Pick up empty yogurt jar, turn around and find that Kaya is patiently waiting for you, so she can "clean" the jar

Finishing touch of honey drizzle and granola. Voila! Enjoy!

Not only is this a delicious breakfast, it helps keep us Liaws regular, if you know what I mean.  Serious!  Though I miss my cereals from the States, this breakfast is a good compromise.

Lots of thoughts in my head about what home means to me now.  Up til this year, home has always been New Jersey.  Up to til January 2011, Ridgewood, New Jersey was our home for 18+ years.    In my heart, NJ is still home, because that is where we invested all of our time & energy the past 2 decades.

NJ is where my parents live (for now).

NJ is where my beloved church, Metro, is.

NJ is where our favorite climbing gym, Gravity Vault, is.

NYC is where our favorite coffee place, Ninth Street, is.

And the list goes on!  NJ is where familiarity is.  When I arrived “home” 3 weeks ago, I wasn’t excited so much as I was comfortable-feeling.  Like, a big sigh of relief came over me, as soon as the plane landed.  Everything felt easy and effortless, because everything was in English, the highways looked familiar to me, there were lots of white people, and there was no one pushing into my personal space.  I knew exactly where to buy things I wanted, and I knew how to get there.  THAT is a priceless feeling that can only come about after living in one place for a long time.

Yet, along with the feeling of familiarity, there was also a feeling of…. this is it?   Though I had missed the familiarity of my old life, I also realized that I wasn’t missing out on a whole lot.  hahaha!  I realized that suburban New Jersey is about as predictable as life will get.   EVERYTHING/ONE/PLACE has not changed since I left, and probably will not change much in the next year.

After about a week into my stay, I started to miss Wage & Dean & Jesse, wishing they were here with me.  Honestly, I didn’t miss Shanghai all that much, except for my Bebemamie’s yogurt and some of the morning street food.  Even flying back to Shanghai, I wasn’t all that thrilled, other than seeing the boys and Kaya.

So, what is my conclusion about home?   I’m not sure yet.  I am glad for the faces, places and things that are in my old home, New Jersey.  I cherish just being able to see people now, because I am so far away, and who knows when I will see them again!  But, my new home in Shanghai is full of new experiences for our family, so I do not regret being here at all.  Any painful adaptation that has and will take place, can only deepen my appreciation for life in general.  Perhaps a safe statement to make about home is….

it is not limited to any particular building, city or country – it is really where your heart is.  And my own heart now spans from North America to China!

Well, you could say that it’s become QUITE warm here in Shanghai.  It was warm enough yesterday….

* that I stared at other people’s sun-brellas with envy

* could not decide whether to walk slower (so as not to create too much movement) or walk faster (so as to get to destination quicker)

* that ALL of my skin was damp, not just the main sweaty hot spots

* the t-shirts hanging in the store felt weird to the touch – maybe the shirt was sweating too!

Even in the early morning, by 6am, it’s already warm enough to make me sweat just from walking the puppy.  HOT HOT HOT!  I’m told that Taiwan is even hotter, so maybe I ought not to complain.

I wore it to school that day, and my colleague commented that it was “cute”, which could have easily translated to, “haha, you look ridiculous in that, but nice try anyway”

China Moment  n.  A single action, purchase or  that is uncharacteristic of the you, but is very much acceptable in the context of China.  

* Wage owns a pair of Crocs and loves them

* Wage and Jesse find it okay to spit in public now (but they are relatively discreet about it)

* At the subway station, I will intentionally push into people sometimes

* I own a hot pink umbrella and hot pink sandals

I suppose these are but mild deviations from our normal behavior, but I still laugh when I think about our China Moments.  Seriously, everything goes in China, and nothing seems to surprise anyone.  When in China, do as the Chinese do, right?

Today, our special treat was eating at Hai Di Lao hot pot restaurant.  Jesse had told us about it awhile ago, and recommended we check it out.  While there are plenty of hot pot places all over Shanghai, this place is known for its SUPER DUPER high level of customer service.  For instance….

* everyone gets an apron to wear, so you don’t soil your clothing

* if you have a bunch of bags/jackets sitting on an empty seat, they will throw a cover over it, so as not to get dirty

* they provide plastic bags to put your cell phones in, if you leave it on the table

plastic cover for your cell phone

* servers are constantly changing plates, clearing the table, filling up your cup with drink.  they DO not stop long enough for you to even ask for something

* the restaurant’s waiting area (because it can get very crowded and requires a long wait) includes a children’s play room, computers, tables/chairs with board games, a mini nail salon and shoe shining station.   i opted for a free manicure today.

There are other small things that the restaurant does, but the general concept is to make the customer as comfy as possible.  It’s a level of service that I’ve not seen in the States, at least, not at the same price range.  Overall, a very fun place to go, especially with family or friends.

self-serve bar of sauces/condiments

Remember if you ever go to Beijing or Shanghai, try Hai Di Lao hot pot!

~gnite~

p.s.  Saw this today, and thought it was funny & picture-worthy.

View from one of the walking bridges

We haven’t actually done much sight-seeing since moving to Shanghai, so this day-trip was a good change for us.  We even hired a driver to take us, since we obviously don’t have a car, and we had 5 adults.   Let me tell you, it’s SO nice being driven by someone else and not worrying about directions, driving, gas, etc.  We paid 700 rmb for the day (a lil over $100 USD), and we pretty went wherever and whenever we wanted.   Our driver just waited for us while we did our things and picked us up when we were ready to leave.  And, he was very professional and overall, just a nice guy.   Such a treat, and not expensive for 5 people.

Another highlight of the day was the buying of some watercolor paintings from a local artist.  I’d been on the look-out for some paintings to hang up on our very-naked walls, but so much of  the Chinese “artwork” here is either too gawdy or too traditional for our taste.  Yesterday, we found some gorgeous paintings (I got very excited) and ended up buying 9  pieces for about 500 rmb ($76 USD).   Sizes & shapes range, but the biggest painting is 45x90cm.

In other news, Kaya has torn a ligament in her hind leg, and has been recovering slowly.  *cross fingers* that she’ll keep it up and not need any kind of surgery.

In other other news, Wage has been learning Italian, thanks to his company.  Yoox is paying for all their SH employees to be tutored in Italian each week.  So Wage is not only learning Chinese, but Italian as well.  So fun!