Just got back from my 2.5-week visit to New Jersey. It was a productive, fun, eventful visit and I’m grateful for the time.
Lots of thoughts in my head about what home means to me now. Up til this year, home has always been New Jersey. Up to til January 2011, Ridgewood, New Jersey was our home for 18+ years. In my heart, NJ is still home, because that is where we invested all of our time & energy the past 2 decades.
NJ is where my parents live (for now).
NJ is where my beloved church, Metro, is.
NJ is where our favorite climbing gym, Gravity Vault, is.
NYC is where our favorite coffee place, Ninth Street, is.
And the list goes on! NJ is where familiarity is. When I arrived “home” 3 weeks ago, I wasn’t excited so much as I was comfortable-feeling. Like, a big sigh of relief came over me, as soon as the plane landed. Everything felt easy and effortless, because everything was in English, the highways looked familiar to me, there were lots of white people, and there was no one pushing into my personal space. I knew exactly where to buy things I wanted, and I knew how to get there. THAT is a priceless feeling that can only come about after living in one place for a long time.
Yet, along with the feeling of familiarity, there was also a feeling of…. this is it? Though I had missed the familiarity of my old life, I also realized that I wasn’t missing out on a whole lot. hahaha! I realized that suburban New Jersey is about as predictable as life will get. EVERYTHING/ONE/PLACE has not changed since I left, and probably will not change much in the next year.
After about a week into my stay, I started to miss Wage & Dean & Jesse, wishing they were here with me. Honestly, I didn’t miss Shanghai all that much, except for my Bebemamie’s yogurt and some of the morning street food. Even flying back to Shanghai, I wasn’t all that thrilled, other than seeing the boys and Kaya.
So, what is my conclusion about home? I’m not sure yet. I am glad for the faces, places and things that are in my old home, New Jersey. I cherish just being able to see people now, because I am so far away, and who knows when I will see them again! But, my new home in Shanghai is full of new experiences for our family, so I do not regret being here at all. Any painful adaptation that has and will take place, can only deepen my appreciation for life in general. Perhaps a safe statement to make about home is….
it is not limited to any particular building, city or country – it is really where your heart is. And my own heart now spans from North America to China!
i think this is just proof that home is where the heart is. for you, home = wage, dean, jesse, and now kaya.
it was SO SO nice seeing you, and almost having lunch with you on sun!
will email, i promise.
Great post Grace!